Think back to when you went away from home for the first time, or started your first job. Can you remember how you felt in each of those experiences? For most of us, we experienced mixed feelings—likely excitement about something new, nervousness about whether we would like the new experience or fit in with people there, and perhaps a bit of sadness about what we left behind. All are normal feelings associated with changes in our lives.

Similarly, it is common for people to have a variety of feelings when they move into a retirement residence. That was certainly true for George and Suzanne.* Initially, Suzanne was ambivalent about moving from the home they had lived in for almost 50 years. She knew there were very good reasons to move: she was no longer interested in cooking every day, and found getting groceries challenging in the winter. She and her husband were also finding the upkeep of their home a lot to manage, and were feeling a bit isolated since she wasn’t supposed to be driving. Yet, she couldn’t imagine living anywhere else.

在他们选择搬进一个退休住宅大约一个月后，我去拜访了苏珊娜。我们一起喝了杯茶，她告诉我她怀念以前的家。她主要是怀念那种熟悉的感觉;毕竟，他们已经在那所房子里住了几十年了!我告诉苏珊娜，离开老家感到悲伤是完全正常的，因为当我们的生活发生重大变化时，这是正常的情绪。

Suzanne then went on to tell me about all the things she really liked about living in her retirement residence. She no longer worried about falling on her slippery wood stairs, she loved having delicious meals that she didn’t have to cook, and she really liked coming downstairs every morning and having tea and chatting with people. She and George were already making friends and trying new activities.

I reassured Suzanne that this mixture of feelings—excited about this new chapter, but also a bit sad about leaving behind the old—was simply part of going through a life transition. It did not mean it was a bad decision to move; just that it was going to take some time to settle in.

When I saw Suzanne a few months later, she was much more light-hearted. She told me about the new friends she had made and the activities she was participating in. She was going on outings with other residents and loved being more active. She looked happy and told me she felt younger than she had in a long while.

Some people take longer than others to move through the in-between stages of a transition. It is a bit like letting go of one trapeze without yet catching the other one. You are reaching forward hopefully, but it’s all a bit unsettling.

根据我的经验，女人和男人可能会应对不同的情绪。乔治最大的挑战是，他觉得自己没有尽到养家糊口的责任，因为他们需要离开家。我问他苏珊娜年轻的时候是什么样的。他笑着告诉我，她总是忙个不停，有很多朋友。她是个很爱交际的人。我告诉他，我认为他是他妻子的一个很好的供养者，因为在这个生命阶段，她无法在他们的老家活跃和社交，但他提供了一个地方，让她重新拥有这些。而且，他的妻子似乎很享受不做饭或做很多家务。因为她曾经是一个家庭主妇和全职妈妈，他似乎为她提供了从她在他们的关系中所做的工作中“退休”的机会，为他们提供了“适当大小”的生活。

George hadn’t looked at it from that perspective before. As Suzanne became happier and more active, he realized that he hadn’t failed her at all: he was giving them both the best quality of life in this chapter of their lives. He, too, settled in and began to fully enjoy all their retirement residence offered.

If you are planning a move into a retirement residence, you may wonder if you can settle in as well as Suzanne and George. Think back on other stages of your life and I bet you’ll find many other life transitions you went through in which you had mixed emotions while you let go of one chapter and moved into another. We can call on that experience to remind ourselves that we are adaptable, and that new adventures await us if we continue to be willing to move through the mixture of feelings that accompany change.

*Names have been changed to protect privacy.