有一种很多人都认同的社会心态，我相信它会妨碍我们在现在和未来做出关于在哪里生活以及如何生活的正确决定。这是一种想法，即人们在年老时居住的最好地方是他们已经住在的家里——他们成年后的大部分时间可能都住在那里。
I think it is time we update this idea and instead begin to talk about “aging with choice,” meaning choosing to live in the place that best suits our desires and needs as we age. None of us would dream of wearing our winter coats, hats and gloves on a hot summer day—yet, for many people, the home that suited them beautifully at earlier life stages fit their current lifestyle about as well as winter clothes in summer!
If this sounds like your parents’ situation, then perhaps it is time for you to have an Essential Conversation with them about where they want to call “home” for the next chapter in their lives. These conversations can be tricky: we don’t want to sound like we are interfering in our loved ones’ lives or make them feel they can’t make their own decisions. That’s why it is often best to start conversations like these by stating that our intention is to support their independence and quality of life.
If you’ve noticed that a significant amount of your parents’ energy is devoted to day-to-day chores or upkeep of their house, this is an opportunity to talk with them about your hope that they can have more time for the people and activities they enjoy. You may also need to reassure them that neither staying in their current house nor living alone at this stage in life should be considered a badge of honour. In fact, feeling isolated or burdened by your home is more like existing, rather than fully living.
You can also introduce the idea that instead of holding on to “aging in place” as the goal, the real mark of success as we age should be to live in a place that best suits us now and in the future. For example, often a move to a retirement residence means more time for activities people enjoy, new friends to spend time with, and more peace of mind and freedom. And, if care is needed in the future, it can often be provided at the retirement community.
这些对话通常需要循序渐进地进行，这样你的父母就可以考虑什么对他们现在的生活是最好的。他们也可能需要花时间参观退休住宅，了解一些居民，如果他们想想象自己住在一个新的地方。
从人生的一个篇章到另一个篇章是一个过程。它通常从爱我们的人开始，他们温柔地支持我们拥有比现在更充实的生活。是时候和你的父母谈谈，让他们有选择的年龄了吗?
About Dr. Amy D’Aprix
Dr. Amy is a certified senior advisor, Vice President of the International Federation on Aging, and Co-Founder of the Essential Conversations Project. As a gerontological social worker, she has over thirty years of experience working with older adults and their families.