When my father was 83 years old, he told me that he still felt like he did when he was in his 40’s. He exclaimed, “Then I walk by a mirror and I wonder who that old man is looking back at me!” A couple of years earlier, when I took my father to look at a retirement residence, his response was: “Everyone in there is old.” When I asked him how old he thought most people in the residence were, he chuckled, realizing that most of the people living there were likely his age or younger. This may sound familiar to you, because my dad’s response was typical of a very common phenomenon: as we get older, we tend to think of ourselves as significantly younger than our actual age!
There are several reasons that the gap between how old we feel and how old we are increases as we age. Some of it may have to do with society’s negative stereotypes of aging and our recognition we don’t fit that stereotype, and don’t want to fit that stereotype! And some of it may be due to the fact that it is often hard to recognize some of the changes we are experiencing as we age: changes other people may see before we notice them, and changes we may easily see in other people.
这种认为自己比实际年龄年轻很多的现象的一个问题是，我们可能没有为当前和未来的生活阶段做适当的规划。老年阶段的规划比我们早年的规划更重要，因为可能发生的变化可能是重大的，我们可能没有年轻时那么多的机会反弹。
In the more than thirty years I’ve been working with older adults and their families, I have found the most common and notable planning mistake people make as they age is not adjusting their housing to fit their current and future life stages. Often this leads to not enjoying as high a quality of life as possible, and ultimately having to make a move in less than ideal circumstances. Planning in a more realistic and timely fashion can ensure someone has the best quality of life possible as they age.
我理解做这种类型的计划是困难的，因为它经常需要我们走出我们的舒适区。最近，我有幸聆听了我们的加拿大英雄之一，宇航员克里斯·哈德菲尔德(Chris Hadfield)向大批观众发表的演讲。哈德菲尔德非常鼓舞人心，我被这句话打动了:“我们从来没有准备好去做一些新的事情，但我们必须希望我们准备得足够充分。”
What helps us be “ready enough?” After my father and I visited the retirement residence, he and I had a conversation about ways in which he and my mother could have a better quality of life. I knew that it would only take one of many possible changes to make their current living situation unsuitable—and any one of those changes would mean moving in more difficult circumstances. In addition, I knew that my dad—who was a caregiver for my mother—was not enjoying much of a social life where they were living. He was also getting tired from the daily tasks that took up most of his time.
About six months after my parents moved, my dad said the words I have heard countless times over the years: “I wish we had done this sooner.” After a brief adjustment period, my father loved life in his retirement residence, as did my mother. And after my mother passed, my father was supported by all of the friends he had made in the last three years. Had he stayed in their previous home, he would have been very isolated.
The goal is to plan realistically, not just for today, but for at least the next 5-7 years. Then we have to make that plan a reality. We need time to establish a new chapter in our lives, to build community and create a new rhythm in our lives that fits our current life stage and carries us into the next.
改变我们的住房和生活方式并不意味着我们的故事结束了;这意味着我们已经找到了足够勇敢的方法来书写新的篇章。对很多很多人来说，这是他们生命中非常快乐的一章。你可能认为自己还没有准备好接受新事物——但用哈德菲尔德上校的名言来说，也许你“已经准备好了”。”
Dr. Amy is a certified senior advisor, Vice President of the International Federation on Aging, and Co-Founder of the Essential Conversations Project. As a gerontological social worker, she has over thirty years of experience working with older adults and their families.